I am not a commodity
For your untrained heart
Not something for you to master
or collaborate for your big plans
of being tied to a marriage and kids
to fulfill the whisperings of loneliness

No, I am woman but not just a woman
I am here for my own inner desires
The big dreams
I have taken the silent whisperings
of loneliness and sold them to spirit
Thus, I must suffer in my own energy

Of which you are no escape for me
for I’ll be content being stuck where I am
And mire in my frustrations
you will not rescue me from:
this is my own energy

It is your ego that makes you want me
‘what my friends will think’ the social status
of being with a beautiful white girl
who is so talented

And I take the time out of my day
to explain to you my goals
with business and changing the world
creating an impact
but you don’t care!

Because it is hard
to see past your ego
and past your narrow world view
And drinks on Friday night
more on Saturday

But do you know:
The nature of impermanence?
Are you running from such?
~ By Amber Wright

I am in love with an illusion
We all are
I just know it is an illusion

We have been given parameters by which to set thing into
We set our expectations for our life
We set our expectations for ourselves and what we can get away with

And I give up
I have unset these expectations
And gone so deep into the disappointment which goes along

For, love will never fit into these roles I have been told it will fit into
Love will never be bound or tamed or controlled
You have to dance with it while it moves

And accept it while it reveals itself to you
But then, even it’s illusion
For without the dance, what have you left?

When the illusion is gone, you have
Nothingness
And even then, it’s full of love

But if you get used to love looking a certain way,
Saying certain things
Then you are mistaken

And when those things are gone
When you find quietude you are left with your own thoughts
Without the object to which to love,

From where do you draw it out?
Where do you find the source of love, without, the object 
which makes you feel the love?

This is why we are so mistaken in finding love from others, 
We think they will bring us the love
We are missing the whole point

Love is there, in the midst of the deepest loneliness
Love is there, in the darkest of shadows
It’s the self-acceptance
It’s the observer
It’s the essence of existing,
The very pranic breath of life
Love is within all funnels of joy
All purity of bliss
And it’s also none of this, it’s within all and the lack of all

So when you are without joy
When you are without someone to love
When you are alone
You give yourself love first
And are better off than having

Sometimes, being without the substance
Helps you realize, it’s already within you

You have to love the darkness and lack of love
Love the darkness within 
Love the areas you are weak and lacking

Love them before they find you
Lest you will one day be in a place where the darkness lurks and you will not know what to do.  You will be lost and confused. But if you practice loving the inner darkness, which is always there, even when you are distracted from noticing, this darkness is inherent within us all, Love this darkness.  Seek it out, and see it is love as well. Thus, when the darkness comes out it is bliss from how you experience it. You have embraced your inner shadow. 
This is essential to living as one’s higher self.  The shadow must be embraced, and maintained. The balance of lack of doing must be held within all doings.  The awareness of impermeating nothingness. Yes, the depressing lack of life must be embraced within the most joyful moments.  Thus, the tide is calmed.  

Emptiness is truly the song of the soul.

From which all the longing and desire arises from this emptiness. It is always present.  We may not always be aware of it, for it becomes covered with doings and activities, but there in the quiet moments when all else is pushed aside and one looks within, there it is:

The emptiness, singing it’s song.

“I miss you now…” says the emptiness

“I am longing for you to be free, to be as you are
And do not bind to me, any joys
Do not cling to me, and, then be in sufferings
We need to separate ourselves into what we really are
And that is not categorizable
As much as you want to find a label for me
As much as you want to find the words to describe how I can be for you
It’s impossible and you find yourself falling in circles over me
I am your inherent emptiness, and with respect to this, you may be free. 
You are free, 
as you are, 
you, 
are, 
me.”

So, my story starts when I am around 12 or 13… and I heard the word meditation… I REALLY wanted to know what it meant and how to do it. I asked many people and was not satisfied with their answers. So I checked out books on Zen from the bookstore. I read poetry and Tao. Then around 14 or 15 found a guided meditation tape and learned how to meditate.

I can go back and say my story started with deep contemplation when I was 3 or 4 and considered how all we experience here comes through our 5 senses… and how do we know it’s real anyways?

So… when I was 15, I ate magic mushrooms… and therein opened to a whole nether world to experience. Then, months later… I could see spirals in the wind, and see energy around things, I had no idea what I was experiencing so I sought out more information. I was lead to a book by Barbara Brennan, Hands of Light, and studied the aura and chakras and energy healing. And listening to spirit guides. Also came across Louise Hay’s positive affirmations book, which helped change my perspective of how to hold my thoughts.

Seeing the energy kept going, although the mushrooms enhanced the awareness, there is a subtle realm in which we are encased, a realm of energy. In this subtlety are frequencies, a connection which affects us all. For a long time I called this “Ether” now I think of as “Densities”. Either way, as more of us become aware of the subtle presence in which we are surrounded, the easier it is for others to notice it as well.

Meditation has been a foundation practice in opening my awareness. I read books about the Yogi’s from Tibet which inspired me to break through my conceptual limitations of what is expected of me as I dance through reality.

I encourage you to sit in meditation if you do not already, for at least 5 to 10 minutes a few times a day. Come back to your breath, and be as present as possible. Everything that comes up for you is your energy, I encourage you to embrace it.