So nice to Acknowledge…

All the sacrifices I give
to be raising my kids 
The opportunity costs
of being a good mom

All the successes are minor failures
because what goes up
also goes down
And giving up failure and success as concepts of things to strive for or against is the real hurdle

to take things as it is
and give of myself freely and without judgement
for the results I try to achieve

why do I have to label
what I do others?
So much stress
when all I want… is to be

When I am not happy
trying to achieve this or that
when they are all concepts put in my head from another party

this is why I gave up magazines tv mainstream news movies other than documentaries
to preserve this gemstone mine
which is my mind

Still, the light of day has crept into my cave and I gave in
I grow. The numbers. The fractals of life. Are astounding. And hypnotizing. 
I am entranced to bring the shards of light from this soul-divine source
to the business world that is modern civilization
Watch as this shard turns to sword that cuts away the most inherent ignorance deep within all human’s mind
that we become aware, slowly and confidently; collectively of all that we are not aware
The contradiction brings down the walls the barriers of inner greed. The place where we depend on the ignorance for our very survival 
that we may live, peacefully, in the immensity of knowing, and accessing the deep inner information. Which makes us thrive.

~ Blessings to you for reading, Much Love to All

Beautiful Knowing

I think it is beautiful
to live in the wanting
the wanting of knowing
It is extraordinary
to explore where and how
any limits and boundaries 
can self implode
I feel high
and transparent
and I get used to it
then I can see and feel and sense and hear
Within your world
and full of life
and thankfulness
of understanding how everything is interlinked
and self dependent
to grow within 
and be the extraordinare
and you be so accepting without expecting
so comfortable. 
I grow
within the wanting
of knowing
what I already know

I am underwater

And trying to pull myself up

I have just realized, 

   I have been underwater for a very long time

I feel like your love is a rope 

that I have held on to, 

   which is pulling me out of quicksand

I have come to rely on this love. 

To save me from the illusion 

I present to myself about reality.

And when you say, 

lets sever this cord, 

   I feel I am grasping at another thing to hold on to.

As lost as I am, as long as I hold 

that this connection is through you, 

   I will not know the difference.

Cut these cords. Cut these ties that bind us. 

I am not blind, 

   I can see the way from within.

Then again, I feel deep into myself. 

Into the eternal self. Who knows no boundaries 

   across dimensions and times.

This eternal self gives me a cord,

which connects me deep deep deep 

   into the eternal nature in now.

I find this deep source was within me always. 

And I have been simply playing the game. 

   Of forgetfulness.

I am released. From all attachments 

when held into the connection with 

   eternal beingness.

This game that lasts forever. Dancing.

I’ll know you were only a reflection 

   of this eternal source.

You are not the source. 

Never were. 

   I’ll not expect you to be.

My Womb is My Sacred Space

she is the temptress the goddess

the one who many wish to kiss

yet she is hidden within me and so longingly she wants you to forget

the goddess hides within her a key
of magical unendings she will weave

And give over to you a song
if you are willing to hold it

but you may not be weak
you may not abuse her
exploit her. you may not look her deep in the eyes

because she can see through you
and reflected in you will see pity

Because from within you
she will see your strength

near her, in the presence of the goddess you are also strong and she pulls this out of you
and winds you up where you belong

A powerful embrace. Holding goddess space. To relax. And give in. To knowing yourself. Whole.

Not a Commodity

I am not a commodity
For your untrained heart
Not something for you to master
or collaborate for your big plans
of being tied to a marriage and kids
to fulfill the whisperings of loneliness

No, I am woman but not just a woman
I am here for my own inner desires
The big dreams
I have taken the silent whisperings
of loneliness and sold them to spirit
Thus, I must suffer in my own energy

Of which you are no escape for me
for I’ll be content being stuck where I am
And mire in my frustrations
you will not rescue me from:
this is my own energy

It is your ego that makes you want me
‘what my friends will think’ the social status
of being with a beautiful white girl
who is so talented

And I take the time out of my day
to explain to you my goals
with business and changing the world
creating an impact
but you don’t care!

Because it is hard
to see past your ego
and past your narrow world view
And drinks on Friday night
more on Saturday

But do you know:
The nature of impermanence?
Are you running from such?
~ By Amber Wright


 The heart wants to love…
   So let it
The mind wants to plan 
   And worry
If we let it, 
   will it get in the way of the heart?

I want to feel
   And be free
But I also want to share myself
   And be naked
With my thoughts, and mind
   With my ideas
My hopes, fears and worries

I want to go through loss
   And let go of everything I do not need
I want to let this all go
   So I can be 100% open with you
Without any past baggage,
   I want to be pure 
And share myself with you

I know it’s a long road
   And it’s a long ways home
But sometimes we have to create a new home
   In the middle
Sometimes we have to turn our pain into paint
   And start on a new canvas
Painting our lives into each others

Because all I fear
   Is to be in a passionless union
And not have someone see through my soul
   What is the point of that?
It is mediocrity 
   Without the pain of exposure
Without the pain of going so deep

I don’t know if I am looking into a mirror
   Of a hologram
If it is you looking back at me,
   Or me

~ by Amber Wright

Shadow Work

I am in love with an illusion
We all are
I just know it is an illusion

We have been given parameters by which to set thing into
We set our expectations for our life
We set our expectations for ourselves and what we can get away with

And I give up
I have unset these expectations
And gone so deep into the disappointment which goes along

For, love will never fit into these roles I have been told it will fit into
Love will never be bound or tamed or controlled
You have to dance with it while it moves

And accept it while it reveals itself to you
But then, even it’s illusion
For without the dance, what have you left?

When the illusion is gone, you have
And even then, it’s full of love

But if you get used to love looking a certain way,
Saying certain things
Then you are mistaken

And when those things are gone
When you find quietude you are left with your own thoughts
Without the object to which to love,

From where do you draw it out?
Where do you find the source of love, without, the object 
which makes you feel the love?

This is why we are so mistaken in finding love from others, 
We think they will bring us the love
We are missing the whole point

Love is there, in the midst of the deepest loneliness
Love is there, in the darkest of shadows
It’s the self-acceptance
It’s the observer
It’s the essence of existing,
The very pranic breath of life
Love is within all funnels of joy
All purity of bliss
And it’s also none of this, it’s within all and the lack of all

So when you are without joy
When you are without someone to love
When you are alone
You give yourself love first
And are better off than having

Sometimes, being without the substance
Helps you realize, it’s already within you

You have to love the darkness and lack of love
Love the darkness within 
Love the areas you are weak and lacking

Love them before they find you
Lest you will one day be in a place where the darkness lurks and you will not know what to do.  You will be lost and confused. But if you practice loving the inner darkness, which is always there, even when you are distracted from noticing, this darkness is inherent within us all, Love this darkness.  Seek it out, and see it is love as well. Thus, when the darkness comes out it is bliss from how you experience it. You have embraced your inner shadow. 
This is essential to living as one’s higher self.  The shadow must be embraced, and maintained. The balance of lack of doing must be held within all doings.  The awareness of impermeating nothingness. Yes, the depressing lack of life must be embraced within the most joyful moments.  Thus, the tide is calmed.  

Song of the Soul

Emptiness is truly the song of the soul.

From which all the longing and desire arises from this emptiness. It is always present.  We may not always be aware of it, for it becomes covered with doings and activities, but there in the quiet moments when all else is pushed aside and one looks within, there it is:

The emptiness, singing it’s song.

“I miss you now…” says the emptiness

“I am longing for you to be free, to be as you are
And do not bind to me, any joys
Do not cling to me, and, then be in sufferings
We need to separate ourselves into what we really are
And that is not categorizable
As much as you want to find a label for me
As much as you want to find the words to describe how I can be for you
It’s impossible and you find yourself falling in circles over me
I am your inherent emptiness, and with respect to this, you may be free. 
You are free, 
as you are, 

How I Began Spiritual Path

So, my story starts when I am around 12 or 13… and I heard the word meditation… I REALLY wanted to know what it meant and how to do it. I asked many people and was not satisfied with their answers. So I checked out books on Zen from the bookstore. I read poetry and Tao. Then around 14 or 15 found a guided meditation tape and learned how to meditate.

I can go back and say my story started with deep contemplation when I was 3 or 4 and considered how all we experience here comes through our 5 senses… and how do we know it’s real anyways?

So… when I was 15, I ate magic mushrooms… and therein opened to a whole nether world to experience. Then, months later… I could see spirals in the wind, and see energy around things, I had no idea what I was experiencing so I sought out more information. I was lead to a book by Barbara Brennan, Hands of Light, and studied the aura and chakras and energy healing. And listening to spirit guides. Also came across Louise Hay’s positive affirmations book, which helped change my perspective of how to hold my thoughts.

Seeing the energy kept going, although the mushrooms enhanced the awareness, there is a subtle realm in which we are encased, a realm of energy. In this subtlety are frequencies, a connection which affects us all. For a long time I called this “Ether” now I think of as “Densities”. Either way, as more of us become aware of the subtle presence in which we are surrounded, the easier it is for others to notice it as well.

Meditation has been a foundation practice in opening my awareness. I read books about the Yogi’s from Tibet which inspired me to break through my conceptual limitations of what is expected of me as I dance through reality.

I encourage you to sit in meditation if you do not already, for at least 5 to 10 minutes a few times a day. Come back to your breath, and be as present as possible. Everything that comes up for you is your energy, I encourage you to embrace it.

Missing the Illusion

I am feeling,
That everything is illusion
I am trapped in a physical sensation
Which I second guess
All that which I have ever thought, is

And in my doubting
I find my way
To the center
Of a creation
That I have found myself in

I am missing
Myself, somewhere along the way
I have missed something
And it

I will never get it back
I keep searching, and searching and searching
That which I miss, 
Illudes me

I am trapped in the illusion
That I am missing something
The first place.